The High Cost of the "Leadership Costume"
Why you’re exhausted (and it’s not your calendar)
Most leaders believe that if they just work a little harder to fit the mold, they will eventually earn the right to be themselves. We tell ourselves: "Once I get that seat at the table, then I can lead authentically."
But there is a hidden tax on that strategy. It’s the Fitting In Tax, and it’s bankrupting your Authority.
We’ve been taught that "Professionalism" is a specific shape. To be a leader, you must fit into the pre-cut mold established by those who came before you. We are led to think:
"I must speak this way."
"I must react this way."
"I must hide these parts of my personality."
As Brené Brown famously noted, Fitting In is the greatest barrier to Belonging.
When you strive to fit in, you are using 80% of your internal battery just to maintain the "costume." That leaves only 20% of your energy to actually exercise your Authentic Authority.
The shift happens when you move from Fitting In to Belonging.
Fitting In is about changing who you ARE to match the environment.
Belonging is about using CAPDA Skill 5 (Adaptation) to change how you WORK without altering your essence.
Leadership adaptability without losing yourself
Adaptation isn’t a surrender; it’s a strategy. It’s the ability to read the room and adjust your "frequency" so your message is heard, while your core values and leadership essence remain untouched.
When you stop trying to fit the mold, you stop leaking energy. That reclaimed energy is exactly what you need to sharpen your vision and lead with real impact.